5 Things I Wish I Knew About Habits

I've been thinking lately about life and what it means to really live. What it means to feel alive and whole and aligned with my greatest self.

After years of push back, I'm delighted (and also sorry) to report that habits really do make a big difference. I know, not habits again...

Stick with me.

I have spent over a year reading nothing but self-help books back-to-back, and after implementing so many habits into my life, I really have found that many of the recommendations actually worked. I was a skeptic, but as it turns out, I'm a full blown healthier, happier, better version of myself than I was a year ago.

I can finally approach an audience and not feel like a total fraud talking about habits! I did all the things. I'm doing all the things. It's not bullshit. It actually works. (Don't worry, this is not a multi-level marketing pitch.)

Here's the thing with habits that I always struggled with: We aren't stupid, are we? We know what we need to do to be our best and feel our best which is why the idea of reading a book about habits always seemed pointless to me. I used to think: "I know, I know: wake up early, exercise, spend time doing what you love, drink water, and eat vegetables. I got it."

The truth is, there have been days and weeks and months of my life where I was 0 for 5. But all along, wellness topics felt very "duh." Noone knows what you need to change better than you. If someone needs to implement a better habit or kick a bad one, rest assured, they are WELL AWARE.

I used to exercise exactly never and I knew that. I also knew I should be exercising. I used to get headaches every afternoon, and I knew it was because I wasn't drinking enough water.

My mom smoked up until the day she died and there wasn't a day of her life that she didn't acknowledge that she should quit. If you talk to people and ask them what they think they need to do to radically improve their lives, they can tell you.

So, this isn't a post about water intake and my favorite spotify meditation, although that's probably coming in the future. This is to simply outline some things I wish I digested about habits when I was seriously refusing to get on board. But now being on the other side of my excuses, here are five truths that I found that might help you:

1. Habits make it so you have mini success stories all day long. I personally created a habit tracker, and I love the satisfaction of ticking my little boxes every day. I'm mentally (and sometimes audibly) like, "Look at me killing the game once again." So if I don't get my work out in, instead of feeling annoyed, I get to acknowledge that at least I went for a walk with the dog. I drink lemon water first thing every morning, and I REALLY derive joy from getting credit for it. Lemon water: CHECK. And it's only 5 am. I get the little dopamine boost from my habits ALL DAY LONG, and it really creates momentum for me.

2. Habits afford you a baseline so when times get hard, you don't completely spiral. There is only so much that you can mentally and emotionally handle when you aren't nurturing your wellness. You get an annoying email, your kid gets sick, you have an unexpected expense. These things happen to everyone. They're unavoidable. There were times when I was ready to explode with frustration, and it was only 9 am. (That's me being generous.) But the truth is, when you're sleep deprived and rushing around and living on coffee as your only water intake, it's no wonder you feel like crap. When you have a series of strong habits, you don't crash and burn as rapidly. You unexpectedly have a bit more bandwidth for life's ups and downs, and it's a game changer.

3. Sticking to habits takes courage and audacity. What a brave and valiant act to put yourself first. To send the message that your dreams matter. That your joy matters. That your peace matters. To be brave enough to get so quiet with yourself that you can hear the whispers of your heart. And then build the courage to work every day to get there. Let's be clear: no one WANTS to do anything in the beginning. Sometimes I find myself thinking, "maybe the best version of me wants to binge murder documentaries and eat cheese fries." And don't get me wrong, there is a version of me that totally embraces that. In moderation. It's hard to practice habits because sometimes you have to sacrifice what you want right now for what you will want later. I guarantee you've never had a workout and thought, man, I really could have gone without this today. And honestly, I'm from New Jersey. I could eat cheese whiz cheese fries every freaking day of the year and probably get an above average amount of joy out of it. But, when I envision my highest self and truest expression of the person I was called to be, it means I have to pivot to habits that keep me in alignment. It's courageous as hell. Little habits compounded over time make a huge difference. It's constantly asking: is this best for me now? Is this best for me over time? It's brave. Period.

4. Excuses give you a good reason for why you're not your best and provide a reason to avoid habit change. I used to blame everything I wasn't doing on not having time. I even had a line! I'd say, "it's not my season." What can I say? It was a good line! We come up with all kinds of excuses to pacify ourselves from the truth. We blame it on how we were raised, our traumas, our work schedules, our kids, or our income. We even go as far to say that we don't care. We're happy how we are. Listen, I'm all for supporting you if you're genuinely happy. I'm also all about appreciating where we are now and being present in the moment. But do we just unpack and live here forever? There was a time I was SO happy in my marriage and simultaneously felt unsettled about my passions, and I was making excuse after excuse. We can tell everyone that will listen that it's not our season, but sooner or later, we have to be willing to face ourselves. If you are not happy and aligned with the desires of your heart, and you're making excuses for why the best version of you isn't accessible, then you are your own worst enemy. Here's an oldie but goodie: People make time for what they want to make time for. When will you stop making excuses for why you're too undeserving or broke or damaged to love yourself?

5. Changing your habits WILL radically improve your life. All the experts preach it. The thing is, it doesn't happen after day one, so we often fall off the wagon. I implemented multiple habits, each ranging from 1 minute to twenty minutes in terms of time commitment. Something I could STICK to. But over time, I have leveled up. Okay, hear me out on this analogy because it's effective. My seven-year-old loves Pokémon, and when playing a game with him, I learned that the same Pokémon will evolve into better Pokémon. Don't crucify me if you're somehow a Pokémon guru and also read self-help. But essentially the Pokémon gain levels, so they're the same baseline, but a way more powerful and well-rounded version of who they once were. My kid loves Pokémon. I love wellness. So, we're sitting there playing when I'm like- I'm for real evolving right now. I'm an upgraded Pokémon. And it's scary because you're not the same as you were before, but you're still you, just better.

So it turns out that the experts were right. If you are like I was for SO long and you are avoiding the positive habit process, this is fully your call to action to change your life for the better and align with who you are meant to be. As someone who has been there, it's the best thing I did for myself in my adult life and as a previous skeptic, 10/10- would recommend.